Self-talk: Stop polluting the environment of your mind

There’s enough judging, mean-spiritedness and bullying in life. Why stoop to that level when you talk to yourself? When you harshly judge or criticize yourself, it’s like releasing toxins into your mind and body. Repeated negative thoughts about yourself create an environment that chokes off your belief in yourself and the power you have to change. It weakens your mind and makes you more susceptible to emotional distress.

As we grow up, we are taught by others with words, actions or attitudes what we should think about ourselves. Not yet having discrimination, we may deeply take in and believe the judgements and opinions of others, especially those we’re dependent on for love and survival. “Why can’t you be more like…” “What are you, stupid/lazy?” …“You know if you took off a little weight, you’d be so pretty.”…“What will people think?”…”Art isn’t for everybody.” Sometimes we were taught by the repeated experience of being met with a look of disapproval or disgust, or a lack of interest when we shared our feelings or something we were excited about.

We then find ourselves saying the same mean things to ourselves, over and over and over. “There’s something wrong with me”…”Everyone else can/has…” “Why can’t I do anything right”… “I’ll never find someone…” “I’m no good at _____.” Somewhere under those self-critical thoughts are long held beliefs about yourself that need to be explored and challenged--a belief that you’re not enough, you don’t deserve to be happy and so on.

We need to break the bad habit of demeaning and demoralizing ourselves.

We need to get out of auto-pilot and onto a path of awareness and choice.

Yes, there’s a need for healthy appraisal of things we notice about ourselves and want to change, and a healthy need to critique others enough to know how we want to or not want to be. But when we put excess energy into judging ourselves and others to the point where it has no positive effect, what are we doing but adding to the clouds of negativity in ourselves and the world?

More kindness to yourself often translates into more kindness to others and more happiness all around. That’s something each of us and the world could use—good, clear breathing space and a more harmonious home in which to live.

Excercise: Set an intention to carry a notepad and notice when you have say something negative about or to yourself. Write down and review it later. See if you can notice patterns and reflect on where they might have come from. Set another intention to stop and take a long, deep breath when you notice negative self-talk during the day. In that pause, say something to yourself like, “I don’t have to do this anymore” or “this is an old tape.” You can gradually work toward replacing the negative with a positive thought about yourself.